I’ve gone through loss. I’ve dealt with hardships. I’ve seen rejection/hurt/fear. Pain isn’t new to me. My childhood had a great number of challenges and heartache but none of it wouldn’t prepare me for what was to come….What my family would go through. I still have days where I can’t comprehend the whirlwind that came through and wreaked havoc on my family in 2022.
It all happened so fast! We got news that my Mom has stage 4 lung cancer in October of 2021. She started chemo right away but it made her super sick and she was not able to eat much of anything. But we found that the medicine was working and we were hopeful. Then I get a call at the beginning of February 2022 that my Dad and Grandpa are both sick and in the hospital. My Grandpa eventually recovers (after a long stint of Physical Therapy) but just 3 short weeks after finding out my Dad was sick with lung cancer; we’re racing to Virginia in hopes of seeing my Dad one last time (we were unsuccessful). In the process of trying to stay strong for my girls, helping out my Mom, worrying about my grandparents, I hadn’t left myself time to really grieve or process my Dad’s death fully when I got the call that my Mom had died.
How does one fully grieve the loss of their parents just 3 months after each other? How can you bounce back without having deep scars that you’re not sure will ever heal? How do you handle that nagging fear that there’s more pain to come. I just couldn’t take any more pain. My heart was too shattered and my brain was too scrambled to even comprehend what was happening.
It’s hard to realize the people that you could always count on for advice, a hug or just an I love you are gone. I can’t call to ask my Mom a quick medical question when Avery or Natalie come down with something; I can’t ask my Dad what’s the best way to redo our floors or any type of odd job project. I have no one to message when I have great news to share about my life or want to brag about my kiddos. That support system I’d grown up with all my life was suddenly gone with nothing to replace it with.
There’s a saying that says God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. Boy is that so far from the truth. He will give us so much more than we can handle BUT he’ll never give us more than HE can! I couldn’t handle the pain in front of me; of losing both of my parents’ so close together. The pain of losing my support system was too great. I didn’t have the strength to be the strong pillar my kids needed me to be. I wasn’t equipped to handle any of this….but HE was! He was able to keep me standing when my knees got weak. He was able to keep my tears from falling so I could wipe my kids tears from their face. He was able to pick me off the floor when weight of my sadness was too heavy to carry. It was ONLY the strength of Jesus that got me through the darkest season I’ve EVER walked in.
I think in life we think that our pain and sorrow should leave us as quickly as it comes (and I would love nothing more than for this pain to disappear) but what would we learn or gain from that? Would the loss really be worth it? I ask God all the time to remove my pain and bring back my joy and I know he will once I’ve learned and gained the knowledge from it all because Ecclesiastes 7:4 says Grief brings wisdom. It’s not until something is lost do you realize the treasure it truly was. It helps you evaluate and find the things that are worthy of your time and resources. It’s through wisdom that we are able to be enlightened by God’s spirit to see the joy that comes from our mourning. I know in time I’ll be able to see the good harvest that was planted in my season of sorrow but until then I will continue to grief, continue to pray and continue to press into God’s word knowing that He will reveal his plan and peace for my life and will allow me to change my mourning to dancing.
During my season of waiting, breaking and healing; I’ll give God the glory. When I get a breakthrough, I will shout it from the rooftops just how wonderful my God is and if my breakthrough never comes, well I’ll give Him the glory anyway because in every season, every emotion, every milestone of my life whether good or bad is meant for Him.
The value of suffering does not lie in the pain of it….but in what the sufferer makes of it…It is sorrow that we discover the things which really matter; in sorrow we discover ourselves – Mary Craig
Scripture that has helped me grieve
Psalm 30:5 – Crying may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 34:18 – the Lord is near the brokenhearted & saves the crushed in spirit.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 – God comforts us in our afflictions, so that we may be able to comfort those who are afflicted with the comfort we get from God.
Matthew 5:4 – Blessed those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Revelation: 21:4 – He will wipe away every tear from my eyes & death shall be no more. Neither shall be mourning, nor crying, nor pain for the former things have passed.
Luke 6:21 -Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.
John 14:27 – Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. Not as the world gives do I give you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
Romans 15:13 – By giving up all our sorrows, he will replace the bad feelings with joy, peace & hope over time.
John 16:33 – I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble but take heart! I have overcome the world.
Psalms 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted & binds up their wounds
Romans 8:28 – in all things God works for the good of those who love him
