Just Jump: An Introverted Calling

My palms are sweaty. My mind is racing. I should just go home…..I’m not qualified for this! Why did you choose me God………

Almost Every time I step onto the platform on a Sunday morning or have a big project due at work, I have the same or similar thoughts run through my mind. Many of you might not know, but i’m a pretty introverted person. I don’t like to be noticed. I have a hard time talking to new people. Heck I a lot of times I have a hard time talking to my friends. If I had my way, I would not be on stage. I’m more of a behind the scenes type of person. But when God calls you to something, you have to abandon every fear, doubt, comfort you have and jump.

Now it took someone physically pushing me in this instance to start playing music and singing in front of people. But if it wasn’t for the push I would of never jumped. I would never gotten to feel the blessings that comes with fully submerging yourself in God’s calling on your life.

God likes us to be uncomfortable. It calls us to lean on him more.

When you know this is what God has for you and its your purpose He put inside of you…It takes courage. It takes every fiber of yourself to get out of that comfortable bubble and take the stage with hundreds watching you. God’s already embraced our uniqueness, why can’t we?

I find it rather hard to grasp my worth. I sometimes only see whats in front of my face. I have a hard time taking a step back to see the bigger picture. If I was in David’s shoes and someone told me that God chose me to be the future King, I would of laughed and went back to my herd. I would told them, you’ve got the wrong guy. Have you SEEN my brothers? They are way more qualified than I am. There is no way I’m the chosen one over them. Choose someone else.

But God passed up those 7 boys that were more than qualified in our eyes. He didn’t want the one that by worldly views, was the right fit, The best choice. He didn’t want the strapping large boy that would let the power of being King go to his head. He wanted the one no one would of expected. The one that would thank God daily for the opportunity. The one that would go to God for guidance instead of going to this world for the answer. He wants the number 8…He wants you.

A little over a year ago, I started a freelance design business on the side. This is one aspect of my life that took ALOT of courage to do. Even though, I’m a graphic designer by day, for some reason putting myself out there doing freelance by myself, gave me anxiety.

I guess in my head I believed that if I didn’t succeed, it was because I wasn’t good enough to do what I love to do and would want to quit.

So one of the first things I did with the new business is decide on a name and design my logo. I’m sure that’s not the most important part of starting a business but for me, it was everything. I had a really hard time picking a name for my business. I wanted it to be unique to me and have significant meaning. I had a lot of names I LOVED: In the Boat Designs, Anchored Designs, Creatively Courageous, Designed to Shine……Just to name a few. I was starting to lean on the name ‘In the Boat Designs’. I had even started sketching out the logo for it. I thought it would be a constantly reminder, that wherever this journey takes me, God is with me in that adventure. He never left the apostles side when the waves got too big and were crashing around them, and He isn’t going to leave me.

But then I listened to John Gray’s sermon that he did at Elevation Churches Revival titled ‘I am 8’. This sermon has forever changed my view on myself (the video is linked below). I know that sermon has touched others, but felt like God specifically birthed those words into John for me.

I knew after I heard the sermon that the number 8 had to be in my business name….somewhere Somehow. So I started praying about it and God gave me a vision of an artist sitting at their drafting table. Spending hours upon hours, drawing this masterpiece. With every line he would put down, 2 would be erased to fine tune the piece. An artists work is never done. In the same way, God is never done sketching our lives. So, I chose to put sketch in front of the number knowing God is constantly drawing, erasing and “sketching” us with every battle we face. And that no matter how inadequate we feel for the job, when He chooses us, he qualifies us for the job he’s assigned to us.

Everyday is a struggle for me to step out of my comfort zone and some days, I fail at it. I keep to myself, avoid talking to people, and just “survive” life. But then there are mornings when I get up and decide to let God lead. He gives us the courage and outgoingness to live out our calling everyday.

My view on calling is that thing(s) that God burdens your heart for. (I believe you can have more than one calling.) Its the thing you think about ALL. THE. TIME. Its the thing that you want to know more about so you can become the best at it. Its the one thing that God made you for and I feel like God has made me for two things: Lead worship and Design. 

I can’t describe it but when I lead worship, I feel the closest to Jesus. Even though i’m in front of hundreds, when He calls me into His presence, everything else disappears. It’s like I’ve come home from a long journey and I never want the moment to end. I just want to stay there. In my safe place. I’m rescued from myself in those moments; all the anxiety and the pressure I put on myself are no longer there.

If you feel like God is calling you to do something (like this blog)…Just Jump! Don’t wait. The Thrill of living out God’s plan for your life is greater than the fear that tries to overtake you. God will bless you when you’re obedient to him.

Breathe…Count to Three….and take the leap!