Wow!
It’s hard to believe it’s almost been a year. It feels like forever ago and yesterday at the same time. It was the scariest time in my life. The first real time I’ve had to really lean on God and give all control over to him……I felt like my whole world was crumbling in an instant.
It’s not easy seeing your child on a hospital bed, non responsive and not able to do anything to help her. There’s a lot of emotions that wash over you in those moments…fear, sadness, worry, panic. Being helpless is not what you want to feel when it comes to your kid but there we were at children’s, not knowing what lies ahead for our oldest daughter. My first thought was to just crumble into a big mess on the floor and hope it all goes away, but after realizing that wasn’t an option, I started praying.
Pray and let God worry – Martin Luther king
I asked God for his peace, for his healing on my daughter and for His strength that I knew I needed to get through it. It was in that instant that His calming spirit washed over me.
I can’t explain the feeling but I knew it was God and I knew he was in control. It was a totally surreal feeling. For the first time I think in our marriage, I was the strong one. I was the one holding it together. God was using me to be the rock in the situation.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”Philippians 4:6-7
The next few hours felt like days as they ran tests, took blood, trying to figure out what was wrong. Watching your daughter look at you but not actual seeing you and talking to you but knowing she doesn’t actually know you’re there is so hard to watch for a mother….well, for anyone for that matter. My heart hurt for my little girl and I just wanted my spunky, fun kid back. I wanted to make it all go away from her.
All tests were showing different things. Doctors couldn’t figure out if it was a seizure, an infection, or something else. There was swelling on the brain but also high white blood cells in her spinal fluid. They threw around the big C word a couple times and I thought I was going throw up in those moments. (For those of you that are close to me, know that THAT word scares me more than I care to admit and that I’ve been terrified of Cancer since I can remember.) But it was like God snapped his fingers and things began to change. She was acting more normal, able to walk again, and was talking and joking with us again. They began to rule out all the previous possible diagnosis’ to the point they really didn’t know what was going on. God was healing our child right in front of our eyes.
He was showing us His Mercy, His power and His love through our child’s recovery. God was performing a modern day miracle.
Natalie celebrated most of her 10th birthday in the NICU and it may not have been the way any of us wanted to ring in double digits for her but the nurses and staff went out of their way to make her feel like she was the only kid at that hospital. Banners, balloons, presents, singing and cake were all brought in for her….she got it all! Words can’t describe how incredibly grateful Me and my husband are for that staff.
She was recovering so well that they let her go home early (with restrictions) so she wouldn’t miss her swimming party that Friday. In just 4 short days (but felt like months), she went from not being able to walk, talk or write her name to swimming in a pool, laughing and enjoying her birthday with friends and family. I still tear up thinking about what could have been and we still have our moment of worry knowing that with her officially diagnosed, it can happen again. To be honest, we probably drive her nuts with our incessant questions we ask periodically. But everyday we have to let go and let God handle it. We know he ultimately has control over the situation and we Thank Him daily for the miracle he performed in our life and are so thankful to have our little girl back to herself.
Whatever you may be going through right now, God is there to see you through it. He’s waiting at the door of your heart, ready to take the situation over for you if you allow Him to. We would have never came out of that situation sane if it wasn’t for His peace and compassion. The bible says that he will never give us situations that we cannot handle, but the thing is we can’t handle A LOT of things we go through but with God there is nothing too big for us. If we lean on him, he will give us the strength we need to get through it. He will guide our steps if we only listen. He will comfort us in our times of weakness.
So, Let Go and Let God.
This song really gets to me every time. I can’t listen to it anymore without crying because God truly came to my rescue when I called on Him. He answered my prayers!
